Lucidity
by Vidar
Summary: What if Edward had been able to read Bella’s thoughts all along? AU of Twilight/Midnight Sun.
1. New Girl

Author's Notes: This is written from Edward's POV as in Midnight Sun but with Bella's thoughts from Twilight, so some parts are taken from the two books. Nothing belongs to me.

**Chapter 1: New Girl**

_And the new girl? Is she disappointed in the gossip as well?_

I listened to hear what this new girl, Bella, thought of Jessica's story. What did she see when she looked at the strange, chalky-skinned family that was universally avoided? It was sort of my responsibility to know her reaction. I acted as a lookout, for lack of a better word, for my family. To protect us. If anyone ever grew suspicious, I could give us early warning and an easy retract. It happened occasionally—some human with an active imagination would see in us the characters of a book or movie. Usually they got it wrong, but it was better to move on somewhere new than to risk scrutiny. Very, very rarely, someone would guess right. We didn't give them a chance to test their hypothesis. We simply disappeared, to become no more than a frightening memory…

_They're all so beautiful. Were they here before? No, I'd notice people walking about as beautiful as them. Oh, they're not accepted, just like me! I'm not the only newcomer here! And not the most interesting—Holy crow, is he looking at me?!_

I turned away. Already the girl was infatuated with us. Her mind was filled with daydreams as if my family had some common ground with her. Yet another sheep that thinks it can be special.

"On the contrary, she thinks we're beautiful," I murmured back to Emmett. His face fell in disappointed. He always got a kick out of frightening the humans.

"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" I heard her ask. _Oh he's looking at me again he is he is—_ Her inner voice was strangely breathless but, like most people, it matched her actual voice.

_Oh, good luck, idiot!_ Jessica thought before she answered the girl's question.

_When did he turn her down? She's obviously still sore about it. I wonder if I have a chance. _

"Shall we?" said Rosalie. I was more relieved than usual to move away from the inane chatter_—_both mental and verbal—of the cafeteria.


	2. Blood

**Chapter 2: Blood**

And then as if the torment of being stuck in a building full of adolescent humans with no way to sleep through class wasn't enough, things got worse. Since Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper were pretending to be seniors they left for their classes. I was to go to my junior level biology class, even though I possessed two graduate degrees in medicine. Sometimes the tedium was too much to bear.

The humans' thoughts intruded upon my own. I looked up and the new girl entered with Angela Weber by her side.

_All the seats are filled, Edward Cullen has the only open seat next to him_ the new girl thought.

_Bella seems just as shy as me, I bet today will be really hard for her _thought Angela Weber.

_Yes!_ Mike Newton thought. I automatically started organizing my books into a pile to make room for the desk next to me. After speaking to Mr. Bennet and given an introduction, Bella Swan moved to take the seat next to mine. She walked into the flow of the vent that blew its air towards me.

I was not prepared for what happened next.

The moment her scent caught me I changed. I was not human, had not been human for over ninety years. But at that moment my mind was the furthest away from any sense of intellect or reason I had ever been since becoming a vampire. A flood of fresh venom flowed into my mouth but did little to stave the sudden thirst that seared my throat. I could feel my eyes dilate in anticipation and it was all I could do to keep my hands from crushing my desk into sawdust.

I was a vampire, a monster, a demon. And never had I smelled such blood as the girl's next to me. There was no comparison. The greatest vintage wine in the world was a drop of swamp water to this blood. A fragrance sweeter than the purest sugar. I wanted her blood more than anything else at that moment. I wanted to take her frail body and tear it open, releasing her hot and glorious blood. I wanted to guzzle it down like a fountain of life. I wanted to drink and drink until there was nothing left but a dry and lifeless husk of meat.

Her thoughts weren't helping with her tiny little mind prattling on and on. _He looks furious._ _His eyes are black—coal black they're so black. Why is he staring me like that? Did I do something wrong?_

If only she knew! If only she knew just what danger she was in right now!

She tried to quickly take her seat but she stumbled forward, inept. I saw her face flush with that wonderful, impossible blood. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the scent that was bombarding my brain.

I had to kill her. Had to taste that blood. My throat ached with need. Mr. Banner was beginning his lecture. Witnesses. The whole class was full of witnesses. I would not have very long with that blood before the humans realized what was happening and the screams began. I could kill them all easily. Save the girl for last, kill her quickly and painlessly and I would have all the time in the world to taste that heavenly blood.

A slight breeze came from somewhere else, and my mind cleared slightly. My thoughts that were filled with blood suddenly fixated on Carlisle. My father. No. I could not abandon his philosophy.

Bella Swan had sat next to me. I leaned away in revulsion at the temptation she brought.

_Does he not like how I smell? Strawberries. That's not offensive, is it?_

No, not strawberries little human. Blood. _Your _blood.

I felt a surge of indignant fury towards this girl. Why did she have to come here? Why did she have to disrupt my life? Why did she have such a scent in her blood? Why did she even exist? To torture me?

I held my breath. I did not need to breathe, save for using the air to talk. Breathing was just a habit remnant from my days as a human. Immediately the urge to spill the girl's blood lessened, although the memory of the scent of it remained with me. But my fevered mind began to cool and I was able to think rationally again.

_This is boring. I already studied this. Keep taking notes. Better keep my head down. Is he still looking at me like that? Oh, he is. If looks could kill!_

To my chagrin she kept thinking about me. Distracting me further. I turned away from her, determined to keep her out of my thoughts as much as possible. As soon as the bell rang, I sprung out of my seat and headed straight for the door. It was a miracle that I managed to bolt from the room without breaking the sound barrier.

_He's so mean! It's not fair!_ Her thoughts whined. I continued down the school halls, but even the thoughts of the other humans were filled with the girl. Was there no escape? As soon as I made it outside I let myself breathe once again, trying to purge all scent from my lungs. Unsure of what else to do, I locked myself in my car, trying in vain to think of what action to take next.


	3. Schedule

**Chapter 3: Schedule**

I was determined to avoid the new girl like the plague she was. I headed across the campus towards the office. At this time of day it was completely empty except for Mrs. Cope, the secretary.

"Mrs. Cope?" I said. She hadn't heard me come in. Humans often saw the signs but ignored them.

"Oh, hello Edward," she gasped. _He's almost young enough to be my son. Too young to think about like that. _"What can I do for you?"

Usually I felt nothing but mild chagrin when dealing with middle-aged human women thought about me in such a manner. But today I intended to use it to my advantage. I gave her a charming smile and leaned forward. "I was wondering if you could help me with my schedule. Could I move my biology class to a senior level? Physics, perhaps?"

Mrs. Cope blinked behind her thick glasses. "Is there a problem with Mr. Banner, Edward?"

"Not at all," I said smoothly. I explained how I had already studied much of the material in Mr. Banner's class. Mrs. Cope nodded in agreement, he thoughts filled with the remarkable grades my siblings and I had. But then she told me that the class was too full to take in another student. Desperate, I offered to drop biology and take on an independent study even if it would cause me to graduate late.

Anything to keep away from that girl.

The door opened_. Edward Cullen,_ thought an increasingly familiar mental voice from behind me. I froze. _He's trying to switch classes? I can't believe it! Something must have happened before biology class! That look he gave me! Impossible, how can he dislike me so easily?!_

I quickly took a big breath and held it. I was lucky that I did, for Samantha Wells walked past me and handed in a tardy slip, sending a gust of wind in my direction. A gust of wind that surely carried That Scent along with it. I whirled around, and was not surprised to see Bella Swan standing there with a piece of paper gripped tightly in her hands.

_Oh wow his eyes are full of hate._

I fixed Carlisle's face in my mind. I turned back to Mrs. Cope and gave her an apologetic smile, while using some of my saved breath to thank her for her time. I walked quickly out of the room, not daring to look at the bewildered girl who was the source of so much trouble.


	4. Know

**Chapter 4: Know**

I could do this. I had run away for nearly a week, escaping to Tanya's who was more than happy to see me. But I had felt too much possessiveness over my territory, and so I was back at school in Forks. I had done a quick scan of the human minds to see if the girl had talked about me at all. She hadn't. But evidently her thoughts were not. I managed to get a few seconds warning from Alice before the girl entered the cafeteria.

_Ohmigoshfivepeoplehe'sherehe'shere. His skin is less pale. He doesn't look so angry anymore._

Her thoughts continued to prattle on as she waited in line. Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton were with her, and thought she was getting sick. Although her skin was even more sallow than usual, she wasn't feeling ill at all but once again fixated on me. I turned away from her so I couldn't see the blood flushing into her face. I wished I hadn't. Her thoughts revealed she had made a bargain with herself that she would go to biology class if I hadn't glared at her. I silently cursed and wished my powers included time travel. Then I could go back and glare at her. Or prevent myself from ever coming to Forks in the first place.

Finally the lunch hour was over and I headed to biology, a sense of dread filling my unbeating heart. Mr. Banner was still setting up the lab. Like a bad penny, the girl was there, doodling on her folder and not thinking of anything. I made sure to scrape my chair as I pulled it back, and heard her thoughts spark to life.

_He's here, he's pulling back his chair. Don't look up! _

I mentally sighed and gritted my teeth. Just a few more months. A few more months. Then Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett will have graduated and it will be much easier for us to move. I was determined to last and not let this girl chase me away.

"Hello," I said quietly.

She looked up, her eyes widening to almost bovine proportions. _He's speaking to me! He looks like he just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His face is so dazzling—_

I ignored her shallow ramblings and continued. "My name is Edward Cullen. I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

_Wait, was I imagining things? He's so polite now. Say something!_

"How do you know my name?" she stammered.

I laughed at her confusion. We exchanged some more small talk. I kept my breathing to a minimum, turning away from her to breathe. It was still very distracting, I could almost taste the flames dancing down my throat. Finally Mr. Banner told us to begin the lab.

"Ladies first, partner?" I offered.

To my chagrin she only stared blankly at me. _His smile is so beautiful. _

"Or I could start, if you wish," I said in an attempt to pull her little head out of the clouds.

She blushed, and I tried not to think of the blood. "No, I'll go ahead."

We began working on analyzing the slides. I took the opportunity whenever she was examining them to replenish my air supply. Once we touched hands, and she had noted my ice-cold skin. When I identified one of the slides as anaphase, she was eager to correct me. I was pleased at her disappointment. I had done such microscope exercises so many times, it was impossible for me to be wrong.

We continued, and she kept stealing glances at my face. I heard Mike's jealous thoughts from across the room. I wished Mike had been the one to have an open seat next to him and not me. My life would be so much easier.

_His eyes, they're gold now!_

"Did you get contacts?" she blurted.

I forced myself to smile. "Yes, but I don't wear them all the time."

"Oh," she said dully. _They're ocher. No, butterscotch. And so golden._ Oh good grief. I had feasted on enough animal blood this weekend I had thought I would burst. Now my eyes were a shining gold, and not the coal black she must have seen when she first saw me.

Then Mr. Banner came over and commented on our lab. I truthfully explained that Bella had properly identified most of the slides. I tried making more small talk with her about the weather, and she was flooded with paranoia over her conversation with Jessica about snow and how she hated it. I tried to remain casual.

"You don't like the cold?" I asked.

"Or the wet," she added. _Hate it here._

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live."

"You have no idea," she muttered with her thoughts going dark, and I resisted the urge to smile. Actually, I do. More than you think.

I asked her why she even came here, and she launched into an explanation of her mother's recent remarriage to a minor league baseball player.

"And your mother sent you here so she could travel with him," I said.

Her eyes flashed with chagrin. "No, she did not _send _me here," she enunciated. "I sent _myself_."

I frowned, and her thoughts provided me with all the gaps. Forcing her mother's hand. Sulking in the car. Sulking on the flight to Forks.

"…So I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie," she was saying. Her lies were amusing. How was it possible for one person to be so contradictory? And why hadn't she stayed by herself at Phoenix? She certainly believed herself to be independent.

"But you're unhappy," I began.

"And?" she said.

She looked at me as if expecting me to realize how selfless she was, but her thoughts were bitter and full of acid. She hated it here in Forks. She hated the clouds. She hated the rain. She hated the snow. She hated the lack of books. She hated how everyone was trying to be her friend and she hated how I had been ignoring her.

I started to sigh, and then stopped when I remembered I wasn't supposed to breathe. The bell couldn't ring soon enough.


	5. Don't Think

**Chapter 5: Don't Think**

It was a quiet ride to school. I decided that I would leave again tonight, this time for good. I couldn't stand much more of this. There was just too much risk, and as much as I didn't care for one human life, it would greatly upset our time in Forks even if I arranged the girl's death in a subtle fashion. Better for me to leave than to force my entire family to uproot itself. Perhaps they would be happier without me. I was the only one without a lover. Once I left they would be able to spend more time with each other instead of accommodating me.

_Don't go,_ pleaded Alice. She handed me a piece of paper. I easily drove with one hand as I took it from her and recognized Carlisle's elaborate cursive script. It was a letter addressed to the school principle giving me consent to replace my biology class with an independent study hall.

"Do you see it working?" I asked. I read my sister's thoughts as she looked toward the future. I saw a distant vision of myself, running as if the gates of hell had opened behind me. I could not see what I was running from. I could not even see if my eyes were my current golden hue…or the demonic red that signifies the consumption of human blood.

_Sorry, I can't see anything more specific than that_, she apologized.

Emmett looked up from gazing into Rosalie's eyes. "Just give it one more try. Or be done with it and eat her. Or have Jasper eat her."

I saw Jasper flinch. "No one is eating anybody," said Alice.

I did a quick lookout for the girl as soon as we reached the parking lot. Her truck was nowhere in sight. Seizing the opportunity, I wasted no time in getting across the campus. I tried to ignore the thoughts that bombarded my mind_—_thoughts of my own and of others. With Carlisle's letter in hand, I decided to try to talk to Mrs. Cope one last time and see if they would permit me to change my schedule. She was not the only one in the office this time. I would charm her again, and when she became too flustered I would request to see the principle. But before I could say anything, I heard Alice's distressed thoughts.

_No!_

Instantly I scanned deeper into her thoughts, guessing at first that Jasper was about to do something inexcusable. But it had nothing to do with him at all. In fact, it had nothing to do with me either.

The girl was in the parking lot, standing right behind her truck. Tyler Crowley had chosen to take the turn into the parking lot at an injudicious speed. This choice would send him skidding across a patch of ice…

A split-second later, through Alice's mind, I saw Tyler's van swerve round the corner, its tires hitting the patch of ice and start to spin out of control into the parking lot. Straight towards the girl.

I could not move. Not with humans watching me.

Alice saw the girl look up in shock at the sound of squealing tires. I could hear the girl's mind gibbering out the scenario in odd clarity, but did not move.

There wasn't even time for her to close her eyes.

The van struck her delicate human body with the expected force of two tons of steel and rubber being hurled at forty miles an hour. She had been caught between her rear of her own truck and the van. She never had a chance. The van bounce back from the impact and her crushed body fell unceremoniously to the cold pavement.

_Edward, run!_ cried Alice. _Don't think about it, just run!_

Screams were coming from the parking lot. Mrs. Cope and the other adults noticed and were rushing outside. I took the opportunity to use my full speed and dart past them unnoticed. I did not look back. I did not think about all that delectable blood that must now be spilling out of the girl's body.

I could not. I ran.

* * *

"All's well that ends well, I guess," said Emmett with a grin.

"That poor girl," said Esme. "She was so young. And she was Sheriff Swan's only daughter."

"She didn't suffer much," Alice quipped. "It was over in a second."

Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper had just arrived at their classes when the accident happened. The first two had managed to get Jasper away before any scent of the girl's blood could make its way into the building. As for me, I had run straight home without stopping and explained everything to my mother when I arrived.

Carlisle shook his head. He had been the appointed surgeon but even his extensive medical knowledge and expertise proved of little use. The girl had died from extensive blood loss and internal injuries. Bleeding in her brain. Carlisle had managed to stabilize her body enough for Sheriff Swan to say goodbye.

"She was an organ donor," said Carlisle. "At least her death will provide give others a chance at life."

Organs were safe, it had been her blood that was so dangerous. The people receiving transplants were scattered all across the country, and even with the infinitesimal chance that I should encounter one of them, they would not tempt me in any fashion.

"And we don't have to worry about moving anymore," Emmett added.

I nodded absently. Tyler would undoubtedly be charged with vehicular manslaughter. That could mean at least a year in jail. And he had killed the sheriff's daughter, which could only lead to a harsher sentence brought on by the police official's insistence. Forks will probably have a big memorial service for the girl.

Even though the girl had died, I was relieved that I had taken no part in the killing. I had not disappointed Carlisle. I did not have to go back on more than seventy years of my way of life. And I did not have to run from my world and my family because of an inconvenient human.

I guess I'm pretty lucky.

**The End**


End file.
